Self-Care Isn’t Selfish: A Single Parent’s Guide to Making Yourself a Priority
You might have rolled your eyes and shrugged your shoulders when you read this title. I know, self-care; yeah, right! WHEN? HOW? With what free time and money? Please stay with me and learn from my mistakes. Self-care is not only necessary in your single-parent journey, it is VITAL.
In my early years as a single mom to three young children, I put everyone else first—always. The result? I STRUGGLED. Emotionally, financially, mentally, and physically, I struggled.
But I survived 100% of my bad days, and I’ve learned that caring for myself isn’t luxury—it’s necessity. Let me share what I’ve discovered about making self-care work when you have no time, no money, and frankly, no energy left.
Why Self-Care Matters for Single Parents
When I first became a single parent, “self-care” sounded like a joke. Between working to keep a roof over our heads, managing three children’s schedules, and trying to maintain some semblance of a home, taking time for myself seemed impossible—even selfish.
What I didn’t realize then was that neglecting myself was actually making everything harder. When I finally hit a wall of exhaustion, I had to face an uncomfortable truth: I couldn’t pour from an empty cup. My children needed me at my best, not my most depleted.
Self-care isn’t about expensive spa days or elaborate retreats (though those are nice!). It’s about recognizing that you matter, too, and your well-being directly impacts your ability to parent effectively.
Finding Moments for Yourself When Time Is Scarce
One of the biggest challenges for me was finding any time at all. Here are a few ideas that worked when my kids were young:
- The sacred early morning: I started waking up 20 minutes before my kids (when possible). Just 20 minutes of quiet with my coffee made a difference in my mental state for the entire day. Use the 20 minutes to meditate, move your body, or sit peacefully with your coffee.
- Bathroom breaks as mini-retreats: Yes, I’m serious! I keep a paperback book in the bathroom and claim those few minutes as my own. Sometimes, it was the only reading I got to do all day.
- Bedtime routines benefit everyone: I created a wind-down routine that gave me 15 minutes of peace after the kids were in bed but before I collapsed from exhaustion. Sometimes, I just sat and breathed
Self-Care When Your Budget Is Zero
When I left my ex-husband, I had nothing. Caring for three kids and their needs didn’t exactly leave room in the budget for massage appointments. Here’s how I practiced self-care when money was non-existent:
- Library visits became my therapy: Free books, quiet space, and sometimes adult conversation with the librarian. I’d take the kids for story time and sneak a few minutes browsing books I wanted to read.
- The power of a good cry: Sometimes, self-care meant locking myself in the bathroom for five minutes and having a good cry. It’s free and releases tension; sometimes, that’s exactly what you need.
- Nature as healing: Walking outside costs nothing but gives me everything—perspective, vitamin D, and a moment to breathe. Even just standing outside after the kids were asleep and looking at the stars helped reset my mind.
Building Self-Care Into Daily Life
Over time, I learned that waiting for the “perfect moment” for self-care meant it never happened. Instead, I had to weave it into our everyday life:
- Making meals count: I’d put on music I loved while cooking instead of rushing through meal prep. Dancing in the kitchen while making dinner became a form of joy and movement. Your kids might even join in!
- Epsom Salt Baths: A 15-minute soak in the tub while breathing and clearing your mind can do more than you think. If you can soak longer, even better!
- Audio Books: If you loved reading before kids and feel like you have lost that due to a lack of time, put in the earbuds and listen to your favorite book or podcast while cleaning or standing outside. Just a few minutes can help you relax! Your Library card gets you access to Libby where you can check out audio books for free
Overcoming the Guilt
The hardest part of self-care as a single parent wasn’t finding time or money—it was overcoming the guilt. Every minute I spent on myself felt stolen from my children or my endless to-do list.
Realizing that my children were watching and learning from me changed my perspective. Did I want to teach them that taking care of yourself comes last, that you should pour out everything for others until there’s nothing left?
Instead, I wanted to model healthy boundaries, self-respect, and the understanding that everyone’s needs matter—including your own. When I finally embraced this, something magical happened: my kids started respecting my need for time and space, and they began practicing their own age-appropriate self-care, too.
Small Acts with Big Impact
Some of the self-care practices that had the biggest impact on my wellbeing were surprisingly small:
- The power of “no”: Learning to say no to additional commitments that drained my energy
- The five-minute journal: Writing down three things I was grateful for each day
- Connection rituals: A weekly phone call with a friend who truly understood the single parent journey
- Mindful breathing: Taking three deep breaths before reacting to stressful situations
Creating Your Own Self-Care Plan
What worked for me might not work for you. Your self-care needs to reflect your personality, circumstances, and what truly helps you recharge. Here are some questions to consider:
- What activities made you feel joy before you became a parent?
- When do you feel most peaceful or centered?
- What small pleasures could you incorporate into your existing routine?
- What boundaries could you set to protect your energy?
Remember that self-care will look different in different seasons of parenting. What worked when my kids were toddlers evolved as they became teenagers, and that’s okay. The important thing is recognizing that your well-being matters at every stage.
From Survival to Thriving
I went from sleeping on a couch with only two bedrooms for my three kids and me to owning my own home. One kid graduated from college, and another is about to attend next fall. This journey wasn’t just about survival—it was about creating a life where all of us could thrive.
Self-care wasn’t selfish; it was essential to getting us here. By taking care of myself—even in small ways—I had more patience, energy, and joy to share with my children. And that’s what they needed most.
Whatever stage you’re in as a single parent, I encourage you to make yourself a priority. Start small. Be consistent. Let go of the guilt. You deserve care too.
Your Self-Care Starting Point
Today, I challenge you to choose one tiny act of self-care and commit to it for the next week. It might be:
- Five minutes of quiet before bed
- A daily walk around the block
- One uninterrupted cup of coffee or tea
- A brief phone call with someone who lifts you up
Share your commitment in the comments below. Let’s support each other in this journey of caring for ourselves so we can better care for our children.
Remember, you’re not just surviving as a single parent—you’re teaching your children valuable lessons about self-worth, boundaries, and healthy living that will serve them for a lifetime.
If you need a complete self-care reset, visit my Single Parent Plan Etsy Shop for more tools!